I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my to dos. I have lots of them. I have lots of jobs: mom, friend, daughter, granddaughter, niece, housekeeper, business owner, and so I also have lots of to dos that go along with them! I can’t help but wonder if I’m doing all the jobs “right”. And let’s be honest, no way am I getting all the things done all the time. I have to pick and choose what’s most important and hope that those things get done. Then when I have some downtime or some help I work on the less important things. I made peace with living life this way many years ago. This is the way of the single mom, not everything will get done and there’s no point stressing about it…(at least that’s what I tell myself on the good days.)
But this post is not really about that…all the things I have to do and whether or not they get done. It’s more about how do I know I’m doing a good enough job? Like, what is the measuring stick that I can hold up that determines if I’m getting enough done today? This is not to discount that we have inherent worth whether we are doing or not doing, but this is more about knowing when enough is enough.
I’ve been getting a lot of Facebook memories recently. I love looking back on the fun and goofy stuff that my family and I have been up to over the years. Sometimes it’s even nice to reflect on the hard days that I’ve lived through and remind myself that yes, things do get better. But recently I’ve hardly been posting on social media at all. If I don’t post on social media will I have memories to look back on in future years? If not, then am I doing something “wrong”?
I’ve actually been struggling with this for some time now (see my post show up for more on that). So even though I’ve decided the main point is to show up, I still wonder if I’m doing it “right.” I decided to go back to my core values and start there. Gratitude, family and inner peace are my top three values. If I’m actively practicing gratitude, spending time with my family and feeling at peace then I must be doing it right. Right?
I noticed that I don’t have “scrapbooking” or “posting” or “recording for posterity” on my list of values. So if those are not the things that matter why do I get tripped up by them? I often look around at what others are doing to determine what I should be doing. This is both easy and ingrained and also a little dangerous. Others don’t know what I need to be doing with my life, only I know that! This quote from Untamed hit me really hard the first time I read the book and continues to be a daily reminder to me of how I want to live my life.
This life is mine alone…so I have stopped asking people for directions to places they’ve never been.
Glennon Doyle
No one has ever been where I’m trying to go. This life of mine really is what Brené Brown refers to as “the wilderness”. I’m doing a good job of finding my own path out here in the wilderness. Now I need to stop looking outside of myself for directions. I need to focus on finding my own way and trusting that I’m making the right call. I need to practice knowing that when I make a mistake I’ll go back and fix it. I will let my values guide me and work on doing less worrying and overthinking and more doing and being. Without judging myself. I’m going to trust that not only do I know what’s right but I can trust myself to be clear about what is most…
