As I type this blog post I’m getting ready to go back to work tomorrow after spending the week hanging out with my kids. It was an awesome thanksgiving and it was unlike any other I’ve had before. I got to spend time with my kids and even play an online game with my grandmother and aunt! It was a blast and it was also sad. The kids and I were alone for the first time on a major holiday. It was nice to have that time and it was also sad. I’ll never forget the Thanksgiving where we played a four generation online game and I’ll never forget how few people were at the table. I’ll remember this year with fondness and sadness. I’ll remember because that’s what we do….we remember.
A few weeks ago I wrote about releasing some old stuff in my post called feelings. I was noticing that this time of year brings up stuff for me and I was intentionally practicing feeling those feelings and letting them go. Then I got a reminder on Facebook that got me thinking about anniversaires. Facebook reminded me that six years ago my son was in the hospital after being diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. It was an incredibly difficult time for my family for many reasons. It really brought home to me how our bodies remember anniversaries even if our minds don’t. I started to notice that I was more stressed than usual for no apparent reason. I was having trouble with my routines and eating. I wasn’t sure what the trigger was, but then it occurred to me it might be something subtle like the time changing or the weather getting colder. Maybe it’s a date or a holiday.
It’s not uncommon for holidays to be both joyful and exciting and also stressful and sad. It can be a time to rejoice in family and to miss those that are no longer with us. “It’s the most wonderful time of the year…” says a popular Christams carol. But for some people it isn’t. This year may very well be much harder for people than years past. I hope this is an exciting time filled with family and friends and good memories, but the fact is that with a global pandemic, social distancing and a stressful 2020 maybe it’s just not for some people.
While social distancing is a good way to keep ourselves and others safe right now that doesn’t mean that we need to emotionally distance ourselves. Connection is more important than ever now, and particularly in this time that can be very hard for a lot of us. Our typical holiday celebrations might need to be shifted and modified to continue to bring us together. We need each other more now than we ever have.
“Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary. The people we trust with that important talk can help us know that we are not alone.”
Fred Rogers
I hope that during this time of anniversaries and holidays that we can find ways to connect to each other more than we ever have. We can play games online and do zoom parties to stay connected to each other. We can make phone calls and send text messages and stay connected in that way. We can honor our own sadness and allow ourselves to feel it. We can check in with ourselves and the people that we care about to see how they’re holding up. Instead of the typical, “how are you?” we can dig a little deeper and ask “no, how are you really?” We can share honest answers because when we do that we are more likely to get an honest answer in return.
I hope that your holiday season is amazing and you enjoy whatever traditions you normally celebrate. If there are things you can’t do I hope you find a way to modify it to make it still meaningful. And if this holiday season brings you sadness and stress I hope you’ll reach out to the people around you to connect and talk. It truly is in connection and supporting each other that we can more easily get through the hard times. Whether that’s a global pandemic, the holidays or a tough….
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