I attended a training the other day and someone I admire very much admitted to suffering from “imposter syndrome.” You know, that feeling you get when you’re sure that someone is going to come and break down the door and accuse you of being the fraud you’ve always secretly suspected you are? Well, maybe that’s just me. It was both eye opening and validating to hear that this amazing woman also doubts herself just like I do!
That got me thinking about being real. I love slushes from Sonic and they recently came out with “real fruit” slushes, and of course they cost extra, because everyone knows that real is valuable and therefore we’re willing to pay more! Think about the grocery store advertising real fruit in the popsicles with “no artificial ingredients!” How much better would life be without artificial ingredients? In the sense of people and our interactions with each other?
How often do we admire someone for being real, genuine and authentic? How do these people do it? How do they show up in ways that are genuine and real? I think it starts with being real with ourselves. Only when we can admit the truth of who we are to ourselves can we truly be real with others. For me I worry about being judged. I worry that if you see the “real me” you’ll run in the other direction screaming the whole way! Ironically, the more I share openly the less people run away. I mean sometimes I get what I call “the look” when someone is shocked by what comes out of my mouth… but it passes. I loved this quote that I found in a blog post:
“If we continue to pretend to be something we’re not, we’re unconsciously asking others to do the same, thus repeating the cycle of shame and fear.”
Molly Ho
I’m not suggesting that we all be as raw and messy and crazy every minute of every day. But I do think it would be better if we were able to put ourselves out there in a more genuine way on a daily basis. If things are going great then awesome! Share that! But if you’re having a hard day and you just feel like you can’t take one more step, then share that too. Maybe not with the entire world, but at the very least with yourself and with the people that you trust. Becoming more authentic and genuine is a process. I’ve said before how much I love books, and the Velveteen Rabbit is one that’s near and dear to my heart. Here’s a beautiful quote from that book:
“It doesn’t happen all at once,’ said the Skin Horse. You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
Margery Williams
We will all have people in our lives who don’t understand. Learning who we can trust and who we can open up to is a part of the growing process. And maybe we will be ugly to those people. But to the people who can see us and love us they will always be grateful if we can take the plunge and find enough courage to be…
