“It’s all in how you look at it.”
How many times have you heard this? I’ve heard it a lot and it used to make me really irritated! As if you could just change the way you look at something and all of a sudden everything is suddenly better? I’ve come to learn that for me that statement is both true and not true. On the one hand I often cannot change my circumstances and when it comes down to it, our perspective on life really does make a difference.
I’ve been working really hard recently on raising my awareness around my thoughts, feelings and actions. I’ve found that the easiest thing to change is my thoughts. Recently I’ve been dealing with some pretty bad arthritis. When it was at its worst it was really hard for me to take a shower because everything would hurt. I notice now that I think a lot of negative thoughts when it’s time to take a shower, but I always feel better afterwards. So I decided that instead of focusing on the negative thoughts and the fears of it being painful I’d focus on how much better I’d feel afterward. It really helped! Both things are still true, taking a shower can still be painful and I feel better when I do. The only thing that really changed was how I was looking at the situation.
Another example is that I’m working on getting up on time. I’ve never been a morning person and I’ve often wondered why every day needs to start with a morning! I did develop a routine to help me get moving in the morning but I’ve struggled to stay consistent with it. In my coaching program this month we’re working on habits. I decided getting up on time would be my new habit. First thing in the morning I look at my phone so I made a picture for my phone’s wallpaper that says “I feel better when I start my day on time.” It’s made a huge difference when I wake up in the morning to think that instead of grumbling about how tired I am or how I don’t want to be awake.
The joy we feel has little to do with the circumstances of our lives and everything to do with the focus of our lives.
Russel M. Nelson
I’m starting to learn that perspective really does have a huge impact on our lives. Changing our perspective won’t change the circumstances, but it can change how we show up in that circumstance. In therapy one way I help clients with this is a technique called “reframing.” For example, someone might come to me and say they did awful on their math test…..they got a 68. But, if on all the tests before that they were getting 50’s then a 68 is actually kind of awesome! If someone used to drink 8 beers a day and now they’re down to 3 they might think they’re doing awful. I could point out that is fantastic progress, going from 8 to 3. Often we think we need to do something just right or quit it altogether for it to count as progress. Baby steps are still steps and they totally count!
As much as the idea of “it’s all in how you look at it” can still get on my nerves even now, I’ve come to recognize the good news in this statement. I do not have control over a lot of things in my life. My children, clients, weather, politics, the list goes on and on. Often I cannot change my circumstances to make things better. What I can do though, is to change my…
