Creating meaning is a basic human experience. Starting in infancy, finding and creating meaning is how our caregivers help us begin to make sense of the world and concepts. When an infant looks at something we jump to naming it. For example, the baby points to a soft small creature and we respond with: “kitty! Look at the kitty! She’s so soft and warm!” We see what the baby sees and then we help them make sense of it.
That doesn’t stop in infancy. As human beings we do this all the time. How often do we think to ourselves, “is it just me?” Or, “does anyone else feel like this?” Dr. Bruce Perry teaches a concept that he calls flocking. This is when we’re at a party and someone does or says something outrageous and we turn to look at our friend like, “is this guy for real?” That moment when we are creating a meaning of an event and we look to someone else to see if they’re creating the same meaning is what Dr. Perry calls flocking. It’s one of the ways that we continue to create and find meaning in our world.
Most human experiences (if not all) are universal. Don’t we all feel shame, guilt, inadequacy, joy, gratitude and love? These events can be stressful or exciting but ultimately lonely unless we are sharing them with someone else. All burdens are lighter when they are shared. It takes courage to open ourselves to others and reach out to share our experiences.
“We are hardwired to connect with others, it’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives, and without it there is suffering.”
Brené Brown
Therapy is an excellent place to practice sharing our world and allowing someone to help us make meaning of it. Particularly with the more difficult emotions of sadness, grief, depression, anxiety or shame.
Opening ourselves up to be vulnerable and share can be scary. But this is the way we can show up in the world and use our experiences to create…
