I have overextended myself.
I finally took some time off but I think it was too late. I am immunocompromised and I ended up with shingles during my vacation. Great.
To be fair…I’ve had so many changes in the last six weeks I’m not surprised that I’m having trouble taking it all in!
I unexpectedly got a new dog (after not having a dog for more than a decade)
A bonus kid moved into my house
I hired a contractor for my business (part of the plan)
and interviewed a second one (complete surprise)
I decided to try my hand at advertising (so far I’m not great at it)
AND my youngest of four kids graduated from high school!
…oh, and we repainted my kitchen…
Through May I kept noticing I was super tired and on the edge of burnout. I debated all month about whether or not to take time off…going back and forth. Finally I decided that I needed time to take in all of these changes, some minor and some major! I planned for it to be a time for reflection and hanging out with family, just enjoying myself.
Little did I know that I’d spend the week in lots of pain and finally end up in urgent care on Saturday. Sigh.
If I was my therapist I would have worked with me to come up with a plan to leave plenty of space to take all of this in. I would have validated and normalized how easy it is to become overwhelmed. I’d have reviewed the signs that would tell me that I was reaching those limits. I know this stuff! But I ignored most of it. I don’t know why. For the record, MY therapist told me to slow down and take some time for myself. He was glad I was taking a week off. It just wasn’t soon enough I suppose.
If I can be honest, the first thought I had when I found out I had shingles (likely brought on by stress) was “Great! You GAVE YOURSELF SHINGLES!!!” (Not true, not kind, not rational.) I had/have a lot of shame around that. I know better! I really do! But as I’m sure most of us know, just because we know better doesn’t necessarily mean we’ll do better.
“What we don’t need in the midst of struggle is shame for being human.”
Brene Brown
So I’m sitting here breathing through the occasional shooting pains, reflecting on my week and writing this out. I am going to make a real commitment and effort to do better.
I’m going to make a brand new routine that doesn’t include rides to school.
I’m going to focus on making time for meditation and spirituality.
I’m going to block off my schedule and practice saying no, even to some good things.
I’m going to work on forgiving myself, recognizing that I am human and reminding myself that no matter what I know as a therapist I am still a human being with a human experience.
I guess that’s a good thing right? Odds are no one wants therapy from a non-human having a not-
human experience.
Often I try to give some advice, teach a skill or share a way to overcome something difficult. Sadly, this time I don’t really have much to offer. All I’ve got is remember that if you end up overextended, overwhelmed or just over life, it’s okay to fall apart. A little or a lot. When you’re lying on the floor in you sized pieces, try taking a step. Even if it’s the tiniest step. Call someone and ask them for help. Let yourself rest. Even laugh at yourself if you can. You’re human. I’m human. We’re all having this human experience together. In the midst of the craziness and overwhelm I hope that you (and I) can offer ourselves…