I did a branding photo shoot for the first time! I can’t tell you how many new things I’ve done since I started my business, some that I didn’t even realize were a thing! This photo shoot was a fun new thing for sure.
I learned so much doing this! I learned how much work and planning it takes to use that time effectively. I didn’t know how much thought and planning it would take. Next time I’ll be a lot more thoughtful ahead of time. But hey, you don’t know what you don’t know right?
I was really nervous about having my pictures taken. I’ve done family photos, but never pictures with the intention of using them to try and sell a service. It felt very daunting. I’m a little embarrassed to admit that one of my biggest hangups about the shoot was how I look. I managed to find cute outfits and I even did a pretty good job on my own makeup! What I got stuck on was my body image…specifically my weight.
I think I would have done this a long time ago if I wasn’t worried about my weight. I really liked the older pictures I’ve been using because I was less heavy then. What finally got me to go ahead and do the thing was that I want my pictures to look like me. Like how I look right now. Not how I looked five or six years ago.
In order to be truly present and engaged in the photo shoot I had to spend some time really reflecting on my relationship with myself.
I consider myself to be really open. I talk freely about things like being divorced, being a single mom and dealing with depression as a teenager. That kind of thing doesn’t bother me at all. But talking about my weight? Absolutely not. I cringe and almost feel like I’m dying inside if anyone references it or heaven forbid actually says something to me or that I overhear. It occurs to me that the things I am comfortable talking about are things you could never know about me unless I told you! But the thing I struggle with most is something you see immediately when you meet me. Doesn’t that feel somewhat backward?
What I’m coming to realize is that those other stories about myself I have fully owned and even turned into strengths. While it was hard to go through, at this point in my life I can look back and recognize how far I’ve come and that those experiences are a part of that. Honestly I don’t even think I would be here without those experiences. I’ve come to appreciate them even though they were not pleasant or something I would have chosen for myself.
But my weight feels very different from that. I have so much internalized judgment and shame around that. I always assume that people are judging me or thinking that I’m lazy or overly self indulgent. Sometimes I even think those things about me! The truth is that much of the weight was caused by various medications for different reasons. I have this idea in my head that being overweight is shameful and I don’t deserve good things in my life. I also believe that I can’t accomplish things that other people can because of my weight.
Preparing for this photo shoot was a big eye opener for me. I had to face the fact that I weigh what I do and that was not going to change before the pictures. I also was able to come to really understand that I have accomplished so much! I went to graduate school, got my independent license, started a business and even started to hire contractors! And it had nothing at all to do with my weight.
My favorite parts of the shoot were interacting with the people who came with me. I love to work with others! In all honesty that is where the magic happens. It’s in the interactions between me and the person I am working with. I don’t do this work in isolation, and I never could. The beauty and the healing takes place within and because of the connection. And that truly has nothing to do with how much I weigh. It has to do with my compassion, empathy, interest, curiosity and true genuine belief in the good in all of us.
If you can’t love yourself, how the hell are you gonna love someone else? Can I get an amen?!? -RuPaul
I’m so grateful for this experience. It’s taught me so much about myself and my relationship with myself. It’s given words and understanding to the work I do. How interesting that so many gems and insights were available to me just by being brave enough to get in front of the…
