Last night as I was getting ready to think about bed a friend asked if I wanted to do a video call. The answer was a resounding yes and we did the call. I went to bed way too late and it was totally worth it!
We talked about thinking errors also known as cognitive distortions (more about those here). One of the ones I often fall into is a case of the “shoulds.” As in, I should really get to bed on time. I should write that note instead of finishing work early to spend time with the kids. I should have more friends. I should cook dinner more often. I should be smarter, thinner, more active, less sensitive…and the list goes on.
I’ve found this coming up a lot this week. I invested in a new program to help me build my business and the teacher has an idea of what a successful private practice looks like. (I wanted to say should look like but she doesn’t use that language…she’s doing better with that than me! lol) A lot of the people in the program agree with her (which is great). At first I started to get caught up in that vision as well but then I decided I really need to trust me and what my vision for my practice is. It’s easy for me to just follow along with whatever the “experts” say I “should do”. (Those quotes are highlighting my own faulty thinking errors!)
“Should is my all time least favorite word. It’s this sort of guilt inducing, finger wagging word that we use to beat up others and ourselves.”
Frank Beddor
Also this week in her Be Bold program, Jody Moore talked about how we don’t have to do anything we don’t want to. She encouraged me to shift my thinking to consider what I want to do, as opposed to what I feel I should do. As in, I have lots of choices about what I want to do with my time. Take last night for example. I could have gone to bed or I could have stayed up to spend time with my friends. I chose friends and the consequence of not sleeping as well as I would have liked to. In the end it was totally worth it.
I’m working on loving and accepting myself more. One way I’ve decided to do that is instead of using the “shoulds” I’m going to focus on the wants. As in, I want to be joyful. I want to be successful. I want to spend time with family and friends. I want to give myself permission to run my business in a way that works for me. I want to give up (once and for all) on…
