The end of last year was pretty tough for me. My grandmother died in October, and while it was not unexpected it was devastating. See, she’s my person. She always has been. I know I spent as much time with her as I could have and I did not take it for granted. I was prepared and I know that nobody lives forever. I expected to be sad and take some time to grieve and then I’d move on in some semblance or another.
I honestly thought I was handling things really well. I took a few days off, supported my kids, went to the funeral, went through the motions. I allowed myself to be sad, let myself cry and then got back to daily life.
What I didn’t anticipate was how much smaller my capacity for day to day life would be. I could work, take care of my kids, mostly keep the house clean AND THAT WAS IT. Literally nothing else. I didn’t really have energy for friends, hobbies, social media, church, anything. Even things that bring me joy were just not happening.
So I gave myself a break. I decided to let things go. This blog being one of them. Although I love writing and making content, I had to let it go. I’ve watched more TV than I care to think about and I’ve not done a great job of keeping up with friends lately. I haven’t started any more projects, and the decluttering project I was working on got put on pause.
Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes…including you.
Anne Lamott
What I did do was spend more time with my kids. Find things that make me laugh. Focus on what is truly important to me (work and family) and stop beating myself up for not making time for other things. I let myself be sad when I was sad. I allowed myself to cry when the tears came. I rested and then rested some more.
The holidays were both incredible and very hard at the same time. I feel my grandmother was with me through all of it and yet I didn’t get a chance to hug her this year. I feel like she’s just a few miles away, and yet I’ll never see her again.
I think what this has taught me, and will continue to teach me, is to look at what matters. What is truly important to me and what is just fluff? I like to look around and check in with others, but this is one of those times that the only person who can answer this question for me is myself. Only I can give me permission to slow down and spend time in ways that are meaningful to me. Only I can know what I should prioritize.
I share this with you to both explain why I haven’t been blogging and to honor my grandmother’s memory. To both give myself permission to get back to social media and to recognize that it’s only important if I want it to be. To reach out in vulnerability and to write out my thoughts and feelings. I’m really excited to get back to writing and blogging and creating content. I needed some time away and I’m also excited to end my…
