I often write from my own experiences or things that I’m teaching clients but I decided to try something new and get inspiration from a TED talk: how your personal narrative limits your future by Andrew Peek. I love how the content of this talk mirrors my own journey right now and my work around creating a story for myself.
Andrew talks about how we can unintentionally limit ourselves by the stories we tell about ourselves. If my narrative is that I’m only a mom, then what do I do when the kids move out and no longer need me anymore? If I’m an employee then how do I work for myself and start a new business? If I’m “too sensitive” how do I tap into my natural empathy to show up for others? These are questions that I’ve faced in my life and I’ve had to rewrite my story accordingly.
Andrew says, “the further we are into a story the less likely we are to want to rewrite it.” That might look like not wanting to leave a job because we’ve put so much time in and we’re finally starting to figure it out. Or we get started on a project and even though we know it’s not working out we don’t want to walk away because we’ve put so much time and effort into it. It’s hard to pivot and shift and move on to new things. But maybe these moments are a real opportunity to shift and grow in ways we hadn’t even considered before. Andrew tells a story of being fired from a tech company that he started and grew and how that was difficult for him. He talks about not knowing what comes next, and he says:
…there in an empty space was an idea of who I might be next.
Andrew Peek
Maybe the empty space is the space in which we get to write the new story. Who do we want to be now? Where will we go and will we try something new?
I think not only do we need to own and write our own stories, there is absolutely power in sharing those stories. I listened to a podcast by Jody Moore with Matthew Dicks about telling better stories. Matthew points out that the power in a story is the point of transformation. That we connect with each other when we share those moments. He says they don’t even have to be epic transformations, sometimes it’s as simple as learning something about ourselves or engaging in a random act of kindness. It’s the opposite of a social media highlight reels. Don’t get me wrong, I love a highlight reel….but there is power in us getting real and vulnerable about our mistakes and our journey to the place we are now.
In therapy we refer to this as “self disclosure.” I often use stories from my own life to illustrate a point or show how to use a coping skill or just to connect with another person. Therapy is hard work, and often people who come for therapy are in crisis. While I don’t want to make therapy about me, I do want my clients to feel as if I get it. I struggle too. I’m not perfect and I never will be….you don’t need to be either. I believe that sharing our stories is the birthplace of true connection. It takes courage and vulnerability and compassion for ourselves to show up and allow ourselves to be seen. If we can do that we can write a powerful story for ourselves that brings hope and healing and maybe even makes the world a better place.
How much power might we find when we show up with courage and vulnerability to question, challenge, shape and own our own…
