I was fortunate enough to be able to take some time off over the holidays. I was super excited and really looking forward to it. I’m a planner but I wanted to allow this vacation to be chill and relaxed so instead of making “plans” I set a few goals:
1- spend time with my kids
2- rest
3- make time for hobbies
4- watch The Mandalorian and Hamilton
I thought this was a great plan, just some general ideas and not too much in the way of specifics. We made some great food, opened presents, spent time with family, I did some cross stitching, built some Legos, and I even watched the shows I wanted to watch. I feel like I fully and completely immersed myself in my time off and rested which was the number one goal overall.
Saturday night, before going back to work on Monday I was talking with the kids (who are also going back to school Monday) and we were talking about how we wished vacations would never end. I woke up Sunday morning thinking of all the things I didn’t do when I was on my vacation. I wanted to play more Dungeons and Dragons but that didn’t happen. I planned to work on some things for my business and that didn’t happen either. I got to thinking that maybe I didn’t have such a great vacation after all. I try to watch my thoughts sometimes, so as I was sitting back and watching all of this go down something occurred to me. I am really good at throwing myself into something 100% but I’m not great at balance. I’m good at making plans and checking off lists but not good with going with the flow. I can do really well at showing up for the moment that I’m in and be present for it, but afterwards I have an onslaught of doubts and second guessing. Was that a good use of my time? Should I have done something else instead?
Going back to the vacation example, I’m really happy with how I spent my time on my vacation. I did what I wanted to do and the very most important things are the ones that I did accomplish. I made time for resting and I spent almost every minute with my kids. I could totally let myself get caught up in what I didn’t get to, or I could second guess all the things I might have done differently OR I can give myself credit for doing what I showed up to do.
Live a balanced life – learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.
Robert Fulghum
I think I like lists because when I check things off I have clear evidence that I was successful. “See!” I tell myself, “I checked off five things. That means I did a good job!” But sometimes the most important things are the ones that you can’t check off of a list. I have new inside jokes with my kids. We talked late into the night and found growth and healing together. We planned a graduation/going away/housewarming party together. We laughed and cried and reflected. I’m not against lists or plans. In fact, I love them still. However, I do want to make sure to recognize the importance of the things that don’t end up on a list. At the end of the day I want to make room for planning and spontaneity. I want to get things accomplished and also be surprised by what comes along. In the end I want to strive for and seek out and find…
