On the front cover of the book Redefining Realness: My Path to Womanhood, Identity, Love & So Much More by Janet Mock is a quote from Melissa Harris-Perry promising “you will be changed by this book.” I completely agree. I do feel changed, and absolutely for the better. Janet’s willingness to look at herself and her journey inspires me to do the same for myself. I only hope I can do so with as much courage and compassion and ferocity as she does. I think that this is ultimately a love story. She opens the book by sharing how she told this great guy that she met who she “really” is, the whole story. She then shares that story with us. While this story begins and ends with the love story of her and Aaron, I think it is ultimately a love story to herself.
I think it’s hard being any of us, and the only thing that makes it a bit easier is being okay with who you are. Some days are easier than others, but every day I am really happy to be me, and I think that helps a lot.
Janet Mock
That quote comes from the end of the book, the culmination of a long and difficult journey to self-awareness, self-acceptance and ultimately self-love. What I loved most about this book though is how raw and real and unflinching she is about sharing her experiences. She shares some really difficult experiences from childhood sexual abuse, her dad’s crack addiction, homelessness and being a sex worker in Honolulu. She does not sensationalize or apologize, rather she shares her story openly and unapologetically. She is brave and fierce and open.
No one can destroy their past. You can try your best to cover it up, edit it, run away from it, but the truth will always follow you. Those parts of yourself that you desperately want to hide and destroy will gain power over you. The best thing to do is face them and own them, because they are forever a part of you.
Janet Mock
Not only did this book open my eyes to the experience of a trans woman of color, it also raises important questions about how we define ourselves, and how others try to define us as well. While reading the book, some of the questions I found myself asking were:
Who decides what is right and wrong?
How is it okay for me to tell someone that their truth isn’t valid?
I don’t think this means that I have to agree with the choices that others make. I don’t have to understand or comprehend or think it’s right. But I can and must respect the decisions and definitions that I may not understand. I can open my mind to learn about others and their perspective. Ultimately we all have the responsibility to learn about who we are and to try to live our truth. This is a privilege that needs to be afforded to everyone, whether or not their experiences and definitions are what society considers “normal.” Reading this book has really opened my eyes to what it might be like to have my physical appearance not reflect who I know I am on the inside. I think on some level everyone can relate to that. We all go through that during puberty, that time of transition where our bodies are changing into something we don’t recognize. It’s uncomfortable at best and terrifying at worst.
That visibility which makes us most vulnerable is that which also is the source of our greatest strength.
Audre Lorde
Reading this book has opened my eyes to my own assumptions and privilege. Because the author is so open and compassionate about sharing her story it makes me inspired to share mine as well. I am grateful both for the journey of self-discovery that she shares and for my own journey to self-discovery that I walk each and every day.
You are a composite of all the things you believe, and all the places you believe you can go. Your past does not define you. You can step out of your history and create a new day for yourself. Even if the entire culture is saying, ‘You can’t.’ Even if every single possible bad thing that can happen to you does. You can keep going forward.
Oprah Winfrey
Ultimately the book embodies a message of hope. That we can, we must and we will do better.